Why hello there. It sure has been a while since my last blog post and I realize I am still using my world race blog account but I have not yet set up a different one even though I am no longer on the race. However, someone looking into missions may see this one day and I pray my words will be used as a tool to reach and bless someone reading this.
Anyways, it is now October, and I returned home from Thailand in May. It is safe to say that I should have a set life routine now and unfortunately I am not quite there yet. I feel like every time I get a routine started, I end up getting sick, and then play a vigorous game of “catch up”.. Anyone else feel this way? Turns out, this is a very normal occurrence in adult lives. However, despite my feeling behind in everything, this past summer, I have been learning and working through a lot! And while I could go into the details and give a list of activities and things I have done, as most of you are aware… that’s just not my style 😉 So, I am going to skip the rest of the formalities of catching you up, and dive right in to what it is I have to say.
When I teach the horse lessons with the kids each week, its amazing to me how many times I can teach the same exact thing and God still reveals Himself to me in so many different ways. These past couple of months, I have struggled a great deal with understanding. I would ask God questions but not actually done anything to seek out His answers. Eventually, that drove me to the path of regret and guilt. You ever lie in bed at night and instead of sleeping you think of the most embarrassing moment of your life and hate yourself for something that happened ages ago that really has no effect on you now? I refuse to think I am the only person who does that. Anyways, as I started to actually ask the hard questions and seek what it is He has to say to me, I found a common theme. 1) seasons 2) preparation. Both of these words can be left on their own or go hand in hand. In my case the second one. I am in a season of preparation.
Last November was probably one of my favorite seasons I have ever been in. I was super fit physically, I was preparing to leave for Asia, the youth group was doing well, I was leading a Bible study, it was sorta snowing and I felt like things were perfect. However, then I left for Asia, and it was the most challenging time of my life. I ended up being sick for a month and was in a place of questioning literally everything I know to be true. But it was also a very sweet time. I had an amazing team and got to spend everyday with some amazing children. This season of adjusting back to “normal life” has however, been more taxing than I ever dreamed. I wish I could say no one told me it would be this hard, but they did. But, me being the prideful and optimistic person I am I discarded their warning. The first time I really felt the weight of their words was my first week back in America… Jet lag. To me, miss adventurer, jet lag was an excuse celebrities used. Boy was I WRONG. With jet lag you’re not only exhausted, but you’re incredibly confused. After a while, however the physical change went away and home became home again. And with the idea of home comes the forbidden word. “Comfortable”. Yikes. It’s never been a good thing for me to become comfortable, because when comfort comes through the door, he brings his best friend, complacency. I’m just gonna put the red flags here. If you see yourself becoming complacent- dive into your word!!! I cannot stress this enough. It is so important to read and listen for what God has for you. It is possible to “be still” and not become complacent.
Now, I had grown comfortable, but in my comfort, I missed all that God had to offer me. I procrastinated and I disregarded people’s wisdom. But as I began to break out of those “comfortable” chains, things got REALLY hard, but oh was it worth it or what!? I began to see clearer and I rested and thought a great deal for a word but it just couldn’t come to my mind. But, in it’s time, the words came. I had some family friends come into my work one day and it’s hunting season so its rare I get to see them. But, they had asked about my trip to Asia and they had told me, that they were glad I got to work with the children’s ministries. They said it seemed more suitable to prepare me for working with the kids here. About a week or so later, I met a stranger at church. She was super sweet and she had told me she was just here visiting for the week and she was about to go on a missions trip to Africa as well. I asked her for how long and she said she bought a one way ticket. And I thought, WOW! What faith that takes to leave and not know when you’re coming home. As time passed on, I felt God answer my questions about my going back to Asia. and He said to me, “wow, what faith that takes to stay home and not know if you’ll ever see those children again”. *cue the tears* Those words what faith that must take really does come with two perspectives and I believe that American culture only looks at the first. The one where we leave on this great adventure forgetting those who are left behind. But we must never forget that God has a great many amazing things in store for those who stay. Because In my staying here I get to be apart of my church, and serve the youth group, and pour into my family, and teach riding lessons to those who don’t have the privilege of owning livestock.
Now, this lovely lady who is going to Africa said something else that stuck with me. She mentioned how sweet of time she has had in the “preparation” stage. Now the time God gives to prepare us for seasons is truly a sweet time. Some more difficult than others but still very important. But you see. My vision was skewed. I thought that the season God was preparing me for was my time in Asia. After all I had wanted to go since I was ten years old. I had a decade of preparation. But then my baby sister got married, and while I saw it as the end of the world, everyone kept saying to me, ” relax!” it’s just the beginning of a whole new season and adventure. Not just for her but for my relationship with her as well. If you haven’t already figured out, “change” is not my best friend. But, through this encounter with my family friends at work, at church with a passing stranger, and my sister’s wedding, God revealed to me, that life is not yet over. I have much to do and foreign missions was NOT in fact all that God was preparing me for. What if, God used Asia as a season of preparation for what He wants me to do here? Now in this exact moment I’d guess He used it for the horse ministry and the kids here. But I believe it’s possible this horse ministry could also be another stepping block. I do not know. And it is okay.
My point in saying all of this in a very round about way is, what would happen if we all lived as if we are in a season of preparation??? What if every day we woke up with the determination to face it’s challenges knowing there was a purpose in mind? Because believe it or not, there is in fact a purpose in mind. Most runners don’t just run to run ( and if they do, they’re crazy). No, most run, because they have a goal in mind. They want to get in shape, or have a race, or whatever it might be. They run with a purpose.
1 Corinthians 9:24 says ” do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it.”
I love that last part, RUN IN SUCH A WAY THAT YOU MAY OBTAIN IT. Keep going. You have a purpose. One foot in front of the other as if you are working your way toward something greater.
Thank you for reading if you managed to make it this far. I pray these words will be used to encourage and lift you up throughout your day.
With all the love in the world -B
