Daybreak

I work with livestock for a living. I’ve found however that I absolutely love it. 

Earlier this week, meaning yesterday, I realized my family and I like to name our favorite animals. I’m not even talking about our pets, because, all of our dogs, cats, and our dairy cows all have names. No, we have lots of beef cows and quite a few goats and chickens and the majority of them don’t have names. We used to have one cow, we called her Vicky, because she had this white V marking on her face. She was my dad’s favorite cow. She was always the first to greet him and was super friendly. Unfortunately, we eventually sold her… thats not the point. We had another friendly cow who produced great babies, and her name was CJ. We have had a couple others with names come and go but the majority of our cows specifically go by the number on their ear. As I was thinking about it, the only cows that eventually get names are the ones who prove to be either amazing and friendly or are really mean and you need o watch out for them(like our Mustache cow). We dont JUST give them a name because of their marking, but also personality.

Psalms 147:4 says ” He counts the number of the stars and he calls them all by name.”

I have to ask myself, what exactly do stars do? Do they speak to one another using some twinkling form of morse code? Do they do all the heavy lifting holding heaven up so the galaxy doesn’t spontaneously fall and crush us? What is it that makes a star so special and deserving of a name? Names are important. They give a person some form of identity. We not only tag our calves but we also brand them to let them and everyone else know “whose” they are. And as I was pondering this thought, I was trying to think of what is a human’s “brand”. How do we know whose we are? And this more correlates to that of a christian but really, it’s for everyone. God thought you were worthy of a name. He knows not just your name but your thoughts, your dreams, and even your struggles and worries. Now, just last week I was teaching some classes for the horse ministry, and in this second session, we have some “fun facts” about our horse, the human equivalent, and how does it relate to God. One of the facts was talking about the horses heart. A horse might have a smaller brain than humans, but a horse has a bigger heart (in lbs at least). The question for me to ask the student on the bottom asked, ” do you think God has a heart? See John 3:16″. I truly believed she would say yes. In my mind, how could you not? But, what she said next shocked me to my core. ” NO. God doesn’t have a heart! He’s not HUMAN”. I had to pause for a moment to try to think up a way I could explain this to an 8 year old. I took a breath, and I explained to her that God does in fact have a heart, and even though God isn’t human, humans were made in His image. Similar to how she looks like her parents, we posses certain traits to reflect our Maker. The more I thought about what our brand would be, this situation came back to mind. Our brand is our heart. The Bible says that they will know us by our love.  That my dear friend is how we know we are His. How heart, or our love, is what speaks volumes to those who don’t yet know Christ as their Savior. 

I am hoping that by the end of this all the pieces will eventually fold together but I have had another subject nagging at me the last several weeks. I have tried countless times to sit and write this out, but kept feelin like God said He wasn’t quite done teaching me what I needed to know to write yet. Until today. 

I started watching this new show on Netflix of course I ended up not finishing it. But while watching, my heart was aching for these characters. Not necessarily that I was that invested I felt bad for them but that I understood the very real reality of the life they were living. A great deal of the show was a way to spread awarness of bipolar and other mental disabilities. But everywhere I looked these people are up all night drinking, driving around to friends houses, fighting, or sleeping in their car. But they were athletes so they were also awake at super early hours, but always inside during the daytime practicing. I was an athlete at one point in time. Growing up, gymnastics was everything to me. I wanted to win and I wanted to go and become a college athlete and maybe even olympics. Of course, that dream ended very shortly after I not only sprain my ankle in a horse accident, but then insisted on playing basketball without letting it heal properly. To this day it still locks in place. Could I have pushed thru and continued? Perhaps. But then I transferred schools twice. Both to places without a gymnastics team. In high school I always hated feeling like I was mediocre. I played a little cello, a little volleyball, basketball, I even tried track once. Yikes. But I never was any good at them. I went to all the practices, ate healthy, and worked hard at home, but I lived a very different lifestyle than other kids my age. After gymnastics and living in Elizabeth, my life seemed to be up in the air. I didn’t have any plans or goals.  Comparison is the enemy of contentment. My mom always said this to me. And she was right. Because my best bet for finding an identity was in the things I did. So I became the “nice” person. I wasn’t able to be super successful at anything else, but living up the role of a pastors daughter seemed to be a good fit. I never got A’s nor did I care. Okay, I definitely cared. But not because I knew I could do better. No, I cared because my class had 9 valedictorians and I was at the bottom of the barrel. Again, another comparison. But I grew up. Sorta;) I went thru a lot to get here and I still have a long ways to go, but I found Christ along the way and let me tell you something. Having Christ fight your battles for you? Now that’s a game changer. Suddenly, whether or not I was good at school, or pretty, or famous didn’t seem to matter. I put my time and energy towards serving in the church and learning new ways in which I can worship God in my everyday life. Whenever someone called me cowgirl or a city slicker, I instantly felt.. small. I don’t yet know how to describe it, but I hated having someone label me. Even if I knew they didn’t intend it to be a label, it would remind me of how I once worked so hard for a label. I’m no band geek or athlete. I’m simply a believer. Anyways, I digress….

I saw this show, it reminded me of a lifestyle I used to live and a lifestyle I still could be living. You know, when i was in highschool, I absolutely loved the winter. I loved the cold, and I hated the sun. No joke I would walk around saying ” turn it off” ” I hate the sun” “its too hot to live”. Among other phrases. But even after I graduated, I somewhat moved out, but I binge watched netflix, and worked the night shift waitressing. My excuse for sleeping in late was that I worked late that night. Valid? Yeah. It was. But for me and the amount of living I was doing? The amount of sleep couldn’t justify it. Notice I didn’t say the amount of work I was doing.  Thats because I was completely given up. I lived in the dark, both literally and figuratively. Notice how God is related to light in the Bible. Satan and sin is also known as darkness. I was living in darkness. (I do not say these things about my past as if I regret them, because without them, I wouldn’t have seen God move so mightily).. I had super thick curtains and I actually became a hermit who lived in the dark. But when I came to truly know Jesus two years ago, I took a step into the light. I began living a healthier lifestyle. Sleep at night, work and play with other people during the daytime. The more I poured over my Bible the lighter I felt. The more I gave Him my sins and my fears, the happier i became.  But when you look at our society today, what do you see? Everything is all about the asthetics theses days. Pleasing to the eye. All these photo editing things, I see more neutral and darker colors. Even on pictures that are of nature and are already so beautiful. But that is what catches peoples attention. I know because I have been there. But where’s the light. You know, when we are trapped in sin, its usually behind closed doors. Right? We don’t want people seeing our baggage. Now, I know that that’s not always the case, but what about behind a closed heart? It’s hard to confess even to God because its ugly and we don’t want eve God to know what we’ve done. But, thank God for grace upon grace. Lord knows I need it daily. Take a moment. Think of your life and when you remember your life before Jesus, in what light do you picture it? Is it the same as you view your life now? Or does it seem dark and distant? Sunshine, is healthy. It’s proven to reduce depression. You know in Alaska during the long winters people get these special lamps because the depression in the winter skyrockets. Jesus is also good for your health. He heals and He protects. He promises to guard your heart and hear your prayers. 

When we begin to live in the light, people are actually able to start seeing your brand. Being vulnerable and allowing God to move are key vitamins, if you will. They are essential to everyday christian living. So, brothers and sisters, open the window. Breath in that fresh air and wear your brand proudly. We are children of the light. So live in it. God made you worthy of a name. We live in a dark dark world. And when youre in the dark long enough, our eyes begin to adjust. Then the darkness becomes a “safe” place. Its comfortable. But one thing I have found, is that it can awfully hard to walk forward in the dark when you can’t see anything in front of you. Even as christians we don’t always have all the answers. We can’t always see what’s in front of us, but we can trust. When Jesus steps in He give us new vision. His word is a lamp unto out feet. So even if we can’t see the full picture, at least we have the tools to take the step forward. Be a light. Let make an end to this seemingly eternal darkness and give way to daybreak.